NEARING GMAIL INBOX ZERO EMAIL SUPREMACY FOR THE SECOND TIME IN A MONTH

SOON MY INBOX WILL BE DEVOID OF MESSAGES AND PENDING REPLIES

INBOX LEVEL: 3 MESSAGES

I MAKE THE PUSH TONIGHT. CHANCE OF FAILURE: ZERO PERCENT

Burn yourself out
don't burn by halves
burn and burn
till you turn to ashes
what use is
a halfburnt stump?

If you'd stop halfway
just don't start
stay unburnt
like greenwood
but if you're for burning
burn yourself out
burn all the way
burn to ashes

"Love" by Lee Un-sang (Rohsan), 1903-1982

Translation adapted from Master Sijo Poems From Korea, Classical and Modern,
selected and translated by Jaihiun Joyce Kim. Seoul: Si-sa-yong-o-sa Publishers, 1982

Poem found here.

---

It's like self-immolation!

When I was washed up in Harrisonburg I had time to formulate my travel plans and grand ambitions but now the distractions are coming in rather fast.

I have decided, though, that I am going to Japan and Thailand over Christmas break. I get 10 days.

I feel like I've made it. I'm not sure what I've made, but I've made it.

---

10 Four Seasons
　　(trad, arr Ilchi/Robin Haller/Matteo Scumaci)
　　
　　When spring arrives,
　　And the grass shoots appear,
　　We move to the spring camp,
　　What a boundless earth,
　　Such a long, long journey.
　　
　　When summer arrives,
　　Lush grass grows,
　　We move to the summer camp,
　　What a boundless earth,
　　Such a long, long journey.
　　
　　When autumn arrives,
　　Plants wither and dry,
　　We move to the autumn camp,
　　What a boundless earth,
　　Such a long, long journey.
　　
　　When winter arrives,
　　Plants dead and gone,
　　We move to the winter camp,
　　What a boundless earth,
　　Such a long, long journey.

Mongolian Folk

http://www.worldmusic.net/wmn/news/item/hanggai

http://www.myspace.com/hanggaiband

Andrew:
i bought a $11.00 pair of underwear today
Ema:
OMG WHY??

Today on the greatest Korean national holiday I went to the DMZ and bought some North Korean soju and ginseng liquor. Because they are from the mysterious and awful Hermit Kingdom I was secretly hoping that they would be extraordinary in some way, like they would taste really good or allow me to fly.

But it was just cheap booze.

---

After the tour I made some friends and we ate in a burger restaurant in Itaewon, the neighborhood where all the expats go. The food was alright-- I mostly remember the conversation. There were five of us-- a couple teaching for a cram school in China, two girls teaching for cram schools in Korea, plus me, teaching for a public school in Seoul. We were all complaining the way travelers do-- and mostly about our jobs. I told them that I taught 800 students a week and they were rather shocked.

"You can't possibly have each class for more than an hour each week. What's the point?"

And--

"That's nothing compared to the time we spend with our students. You can't make a difference."

And--

"It's because you're a mascot," said the China teacher guy, who looked rather tired and pale. He hadn't talked much and that annoyed me.

"The parents just want to see that there's a white guy at their school teaching English."

I said that I declined to accept such cynicism. I could not teach with such an attitude.

"Well a spade is a spade no matter how you look at it," he said.

Well it's my fricking spade, I thought. And I explained that even though, yes:

--a native English teacher does give the school credibility and it's what the parents want to see...

--the Seoul kids are all standing at least a shoulder above the standard national English curriculum that we teach...

--it is not enough time to teach kids English...

--and the hagwons do a better job of it...

...I nevertheless had an opportunity to let the kids have fun with English once a week, instead of helping to drill book learning into their heads as Korean society does. Besides, after 6th grade they're sick of English-- better that they enjoy it now.

The money was good, too.

This defense seemed to mollify everyone.

"I declined to accept such cynicism." Jesus Christ, I was so valiant you would have wept tears of sky blue. How I have missed believing in what I do.

my co-teacher can spend the early morning drunk and passed out in a university sauna and in the morning she still teaches better than me

"teaching is best cure for hangover" she says.

Meanwhile I have just had the best night of sleep in the past month and I forget things, trail behind, panic--

ah me, where do I belong?

dating sucks

MY SCHOOL JUST GAVE ME A CAKE, FLOWERS AND A USB KEY FOR MY BIRTHDAY

I LOVE MY LIFE

thank you for Rob Bell and copious cups of camomile tea

(Rob Bell wrote some books)

I went to church again today, the English service. It's a lovely service, it really is. The choir's awesome (the director is a feisty dictator, as all choral directors should be), the sermon is simple, modest and not wound up in smug hair-splitting or literal interpretation. There's about 300 people there and they all lean forward to listen, especially because it's in English and they have to pay closer attention to understand. And there's sort of a praise band that opens worship, gets everyone revved up for Jesus. But there's the lead guy-- this dude in his late 20's who speaks perfect English, squints up his face and bends into the mic, praying in evangelical lingo like "rebuke" and "encourage" with this breathy, enraptured voice that makes me think, What the hell are you so happy about?

Nowadays I suffer poisonous emotions at some point in any church service but today was worse than usual-- I don't know what was wrong with me. Surrounded by celebrating congregants I could only ask how anyone could celebrate in a world of misery and pain. I felt self-concious and standing next to my co-teachers, I think my skin would have burned if they merely touched me with their eyesight. I cycled through all the arguements and counter-arguements concerning theodicy-- for if a compassionate and all-powerful God can allow suffering, how can we worship him? If God can put us in hell, aren't we forced to worship him? Slamming between the rock and the hard place, thinking "I can't live / with or without you." And so on. But it was that drippy opener which screwed me up-- and for the rest of the service I was filled with the vilest rage toward God.

When it was over I left in a hurry.

Maybe I didn't get enough sleep, or maybe I am going into that stage of culture shock where everything that's different from home irks you to madness. Maybe I was irritated at Koreans obsequiously fussing over the white foreigner-- walking over to say hello, making small talk, giving you their card, offering help, asking the lady in the cafeteria to give you extra rice. People feeling curiosity-- my favorite human emotion-- and neighborly regard-- the best thing stranger can give you.

Or maybe this is some sort of male thing that happens every few weeks.

---

Life otherwise is good.

I got some skinny jeans yesterday.

I'm going on two dates next week. One is with a girl who doesn't speak English. My co-teacher is coming along as a very important Third Wheel.

I love teaching. When class is responsive and I am energized, we do the dance; it all goes smooth and clean. I walk out with my co-teacher thinking, "yes, those little bastards LEARNED!!!"

Great pictures for you all, as soon as I can muster the will. I used to enjoy it but I don't like dealing with pictures anymore.

Great pictures.

Such a good poem, this one. Dug up for me by admina.



"Nothing Gold Can Stay"

Nature's first green is gold
Her hardest hue to hold
Her early leaf's a flower;
But only so an hour.
Then leaf subsides to leaf.
So Eden sank to grief,
So dawn goes down to day.
Nothing gold can stay.

~Robert Frost

A high school friend of mine just posted pictures from his trip to North Korea to see the Arirang Mass Games Festival and other attractions. I've been thinking about going myself, but after looking at the pricetag for a tour, I'm not sure that the grotesque thrill of entering a Stalinist-time-capsule-state could justify forking over $2500 to the most oppressive government on Earth. Or maybe it could. Unfortunately, I wouldn't put it past me.

Fortunately, if I want to make myself avoid going, I can just watch videos and browse photos of the place until I start to become truly appalled at how bad it is.

---

I really love it here. I teach noisy kids, learn Korean, and do crazy things after work. My favorite thing so far is norae bang, which is where you and a couple of your friends rent a room with a karaoke machine in it and just lose your sanity for the next 3 hours. I also like dancing-- I went to a club last Wednesday first the first time in a year. The previous time was in Russia, but I think this time was better because the waiter kept giving us free shots of tequila.

There's an open air market up the street from me, in the center of my neighborhood. You can buy all kinds of things there-- raw fish and seaweed and crabs, eels swimming in tanks, fresh meat, vegetables, fruit, fried street food, side dishes, grains, bottles, tubs and stacks of unfamiliar ingredients. There are also bolts of cloth, shoes, lamps, charcoal, batteries and the like... the whole narrow alley is strung up with lights.

So far people have been nice to me in Seoul. Sometimes they even give you free things-- free rice cakes, free alcohol, free minutes in the PC bang, discount on the phone, either because they want your business, they want to practice English, or... I don't know what. For goodness sake, a girl behind the counter of a coffee shop gave me her sweet potato. WHY?

People glance at you as they walk by. Some people stare.

Lots of people tell me that I'm handsome!

---

I am making all kinds of friends over here. My favorites are my coworkers. I teach them English and they teach me Korean. We plan lessons together, we eat together, we carry on and make crafts in the teachers lounge. Some of us go on dumb adventures together. They helps me get my life together where I don't know enough Korean to do it myself. I've met some different expats who have invited me out, let me join in, laughed at my jokes, etc. I met a lot of very nice people my age at this massive Presbyterian church-- a couple bus stops down the road-- treated me to coffee even though I had an excruciating hangover and was not too lively at conversation. They wanted to know all about me. Who the hell cares?

It is a little shocking. The acceptance and kindness of strangers is shocking because I don't expect people to care about anyone but themselves. That is just how people do. And where there is kindness and acceptance, I think it cannot last for a long time before inexorable forces tear it apart, minds change, motives interfere-- people are human, is all. So though friendship feels great-- awesome-- at the end of the day I am totally alone, save for God and all the things that I have done.

awesome work, Russian democracy:

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/8251856.stm

Where am I tonight? La, da, da
My hotel room won't remember me
And this dream will die, die by morning
And this dream won't remember me

mu hu ha ha i'm in korea and this fricking rules

JJJJOOOOOOOOOOYYYYYRRRIIIIDDDDE

Don't read the fortune DON'T READ THE FORTUNE


Also:

Come with me if you want to live.

Compliment of the week:

My head teacher and two of my co-teachers come to pick me up from the Gangdong district school office. My head teacher is a 45 year old male. My co-teachers are 23 year old females.

We get in the car. The first thing the Head Teacher tells me is his name. The second is:

"You are very handsome man! More handsome than in the picture!"

Head Teacher turns to the back where the co-teachers are sitting.

"He is very handsome man!"

Co-teachers giggle madly. Head Teacher continues:

"These are your co-teachers! Also very attractive, you think?"

I said that they were.

---

That night in a bar the co-teachers asked me if I knew that I looked like Matt Damon.